Easter this year

Yes, we had the eggs, the candy, the Russell Stover chocolate Easter bunnies.  We found Easter baskets.  We had music.  We had Peep jousting and our traditional Easter S'mores for Family Home Evening treat.

So much for the superficial Easter fun this year.  We love being together as a family and doing things together.

What did we learn and how did we grow?  Through a great understanding of our Heavenly Father's sacrifice of His only Son, Jesus Christ, and through the Atonement of Jesus Christ, who died for our sins and knows all our sorrows and grief.  These past two weeks we were going through a second miscarriage, the second we've ever gone through but also the second one this year.  It was a little tougher than the first one.  It was more drawn out and we are still dealing with the repercussions.  It was more unexpected.... lightning doesn't strike twice and the doctor was at a loss to explain why someone who has had 9 fairly normal full term (mostly) pregnancies would have two miscarriages in a row.  We've done tests and ultrasounds.  The best explanation (besides the fact that this is all in the Lord's hands and the reason is just unknown to us) is that Emilie has mono and was very ill at the time this baby was just starting to develop, even before we knew the little one was there.  I was the only one who went near her while she was sick, and most likely also contracted mono, which severely affected the baby and not in a good way.

Our family most likely is not complete.  We have complete faith in our Heavenly Father that this heartache is for our good as well as His, for His purposes and for our learning.  It doesn't mean that we won't ever hold a baby again, just that, twice in a row, we were supposed to know we were pregnant but not to stay, and go through what we needed to related to these two pregnancies.  Liberty is supposed to be the baby for at least the rest of this year.  She'll be the first in our family to turn 2 without a little sibling.  I have many friends who are pregnant, some due at the same time I was due with one of these two pregnancies.  I have new nieces to be born this year.  I'm so happy for them, and I hope that our losing our babies does not hinder their joy in their new miracles in any way.  We are blessed.  We are blessed in our knowledge that God knows us, and knows our sorrows, and has a plan for each of us.  We have a knowledge that our families are eternal, and whether these two babies are ours forever or not does not matter to me right now, what matters is that my Savior cares for me enough to die for me and that all is well, because of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

We celebrate not his death, but His life, and so we go on with our beautiful spring weather (and rain!) and look forward to the new flowers, a garden, and our family growing in other ways.  Michael will be taller than me this year.  Benjamin is learning a new talent.  Emilie is learning a love of languages.  Nathanael has a new opportunity for growth in Cub Scouts.  Samuel is getting ready to lose his first teeth.  Timothy is writing new words and trying to read.  Christopher is ready to be a big boy in many ways.  Liberty is learning to talk and has new understanding of what we say to her.  Tom and I are learning in our callings and in many other ways.  Life continues to be wonderful to us, despite the sad moments.