365 Joys- July 19th 2015

7/19/15

Today was Joseph's birthday.  He would have been 14 but instead he is waiting for us beyond the veil.  We firmly believe in eternal families and that he is our son, brother, grandson, nephew, forever.  Family connections last beyond the grave because of the power of the priesthood and our loving Heavenly Father's plan of happiness.

For more about Joseph and his life, here is a link to a blog post where I talked about everything that happened.

For pictures of Joseph, click here.

And here is a picture of Virginia singing happy birthday to Joseph.  She is so excited whenever we sing as a family.



This is our family tradition.  July usually ends up too hot for cake, so we get birthday cake ice cream.  Plus his birthday is the day before National Ice Cream day, so we can celebrate for 2 days haha.



And here is Juliana posing for the camera...  sigh.

365 Joys- March 2nd, 2015

3/2/15

It brings me joy that each of my children find me  humorous... SOMEtimes.  This is her, I can't believe you're my mother, face.




Haha.  I've seen that what, at least on 10 kids now?  I'd like to think Joseph never made this face at me...

Maybe when I wasn't looking.


Or he's making it now.  ;)

July 19th Picture-A-Day

IMG_1148, a photo by atvtnv on Flickr.

7/19/13

Happy 12th birthday to Joseph!

Here's your present... can you find the Liberty in this picture?

September 8th 366 challenge

9/8/12

This is what we received in the mail from "Hope for Trisomy".  It was through a program called "Gemma's Bears" where they donate a bear for children with Trisomy and their families. 

Here is a link: Hope for Trisomy: Gemma's Bears

Liberty already knows it's a hug from Joseph.

Goodnight.

I never sleep on the 31st of July.  Well, not til it's officially August.  Not even really consciously thinking about it... I remember those last few minutes before midnight 11 years ago, checking for a little heartbeat but really and truly knowing this was it, that we had felt our son's last breath in Tom's arms and felt his little spirit leave his body behind, and us to mourn for him.  Though I really feel that he stuck around for a minute or two to say goodbye, see you later, and I love you.  He is my son.  He is my child.  I felt him move close to my heart.  I gave birth to him.  We all held him close in life, and now he holds us close at these times when we really need him. 

I have ten truly wonderful children that I am proud to call my own.

My Joseph.  Our angel.  A protector.  I look forward to seeing him again someday, and I hope I will know his face.

July 19th 366 challenge

7/19/12

Happy Birthday to my Joseph!  (and my brother Jeff.)

Joseph would have been 11 years old, and we always celebrate it somehow.  This year?  By eating Birthday Party ice cream.  Yum!

To read more about Joseph, please click on the top right of this page on the word "Joseph" and scroll down.  You will find more about who Joseph is, where he is now, pictures of him during his time with us, and anything since then that reminds us of him or helps us remember him.

You can also go to his site on our page, here.  However, I've put most of the pictures, in higher quality, on this blog.  Oh, and when trying to get to his site fast, I just searched his name on Google and found his obituary, too.

12 days...

Juliana was 12 days old yesterday.  This may seem like a random age to celebrate, but it isn't.  We had one little one who was only able to stay with us 12 days before moving on to bigger and better things.  When one of my babies turns 12 days old, I remember Joseph.  Usually around midnight, when his little spirit left his body as we held him in our arms.  So I held my baby girl close, late at night, and watched her sleep.

November 20th 365 challenge

11/20/11

I am so thankful for my beliefs, especially for my belief (knowledge, really) that my son Joseph is a part of our family forever, and for the part that temples play in that belief.  Tom and I were married in the temple, and we were sealed for time and all eternity, meaning that our marriage will last beyond death, and the children that we have are part of that union forever, as a part of our family that began with that marriage ceremony in the temple.  And that includes our son Joseph who died at 12 days of age, back in 2001, even though some of our other children have never met him but still talk about him, and our older children were ages 4, 2, and 1 still have memories of that time (or of us talking about that time.)

We remember. 10 years ago this week...

I already had a post like this this year.  Our memories of September 11th come so soon after losing a son, I remember thinking, wow, my own grief seems so insignificant now, because now a nation is grieving.

On September 11th, 2001, I was at home in a little suburb of Cincy with my 3 children, still recovering from the birth and loss of a son a month before.  I was on the computer monitoring a parenting chat room when someone said to turn on the TV, something had just happened in New York City.

I turned on the TV in time to see the second plane hit the World Trade Center.  I called Tom at work (he was at Walmart, as electronics department manager there in one of the stores in Cincinnati, Ohio.)  He wanted to know what was happening.  He eventually got the TVs at Walmart turned to coverage of the terrorist attacks.

I sat at home and cried while explaining to Michael, 4, that bad things were happening.  Benjamin, 2, and Emilie, 1, were not capable of understanding even that much yet.  We saw the plane hit the Pentagon, or at least the immediate aftermath.  We heard rumors of a 4th plane, and how the White House would be next.  I saw the first tower fall and turned off the TV and went for a walk with the kids.  I just knew that so many people had to have died because they didn't have time to get out of the building, even with the incredible efforts of the firemen and emergency workers, and how many must have died in that moment.  I knew the second tower would fall.

I had a brother in New York City and during this time was following the news on our church website to see if the missionaries were ok.  They were.

We followed the news the rest of the day and the week, how the plane went down in Pennsylvania.  (a few years later, when we lived in PA, we drove near the site)  We saw people jumping out of buildings rather than be burned alive.  We saw the rescue efforts.  We heard the stories of amazing heroism.  I saw the city around me rise in love and united efforts to support our country in this time of sorrow. 

I know we all have memories of this time.  Remember.  Remember how you felt, and then how you reacted, not just that day, but praying for our troops and our leaders, helping our neighbors, waiting for news of friends and loved ones, for the months and now years afterward.

It was a time of pain, and horror, but I think our country emerged as a stronger nation because of it.  To bring it home, I know that our time with the pregnancy and life of a child who was going to die, was unimaginable to some.  However, our family is stronger because of it.  Each of us is a better person.  I think that September 11th, 2001 was the same way for the most of the country.  I think that most of us became better because of how we reacted to the tragedy.  United We Stand.

10 years ago this week...

This is what was happening...

This might have been only minutes before haircuts... Michael and Benjamin, July 2001

Emilie, age 15 months... and bouncing in the baby's bouncy seat (Joseph was being held...)

Michael, age 4

Benjamin... almost 3

So very tired.

SOFT, Emilie.

And these are my 3 youngest now... that remind us so much of our oldest 3 10 years ago.

Christopher, Liberty, and Timothy, ages 3, 1, and 4... a few months ago they were the sames ages as my oldest 3 above.

 
 Here they are in February, when Christopher was almost 3, Timothy was 4 and a few months, and Liberty was 15 months.

Lots of memories!

10 years ago today...

I brought an angel into this world.  With a lot of help, of course, and the usual doctors, nurses, and this time adding a NICU staff as well.

I've shared his story a lot, but what better time to do so than his birthday?  Of course, in a week and a half or so there is another, more silent, milestone, where I try to keep myself busy around midnight so I'm not laying awake in bed remembering a child dying in our arms.  However, even that memory is sweet knowing where Joseph is now.

As the years have gone by, I find myself wanting to go visit his gravesite again.  Maybe soon.


Here is the link to his family site with all his pictures. 

On this blog, I've also written multiple times about him and the memories we have.  You can click on "Joseph" in the list of words to the top right of the blog posts.  Here is a link to a blog post with lots of pictures in better quality than on the website (we made the site 10 years ago, it's time for an overhaul!)

Here is a post with more of our memories of him, his birth, his life, and his death.  I wrote it 2 years ago.

So many people were involved in his life, our church members, our friends online, around the country, and truly all over the world, as well as family who never got to hold him or see him.  This is truly a time of wonderful memories.

Miscarriage

I debated sharing this, as I wasn't even to the point in a pregnancy where I would be happy with telling everyone yet for exactly this reason, but last weekend we had a miscarriage. (sure, I use the term "we" quite loosely but this was Tom's baby too.)

I would have been 7 weeks tomorrow. With some of my earlier pregnancies I would not have even known about this yet... I probably would have been suspicious, though. I had very strong symptoms very early, however, and tested early because of that. We had almost a whole week of knowing that we'd have our 10th baby most likely in September. I nervously called a friend who lived here trying to find a good OB, as we just moved from Texas to Missouri via Illinois in July. The timing is quite normal for us, as our babies have never been more than 22 months apart. I guess it will be more, now, for the first time since we had Michael in November of 1996.

This was my first miscarriage. I know many women who have had miscarriages. I've known women who have had many miscarriages. I've been sad with them, cried with them, prayed for them, grieved with them, but never knew what they were going through. Some of them knew about Joseph and would say, you know what it is to lose a child, I'm glad you are here for me. I thought, but I got to hold Joseph for 12 days and carry him for 9 months, or almost... I got to hold him as he left... you didn't get that...

Now I know. Now I know what it is to lose that hope of a baby. Now I know what it is to know the worst is happening. Yes, I was told that some thought it would be worse to hold a baby and then lose him. I do think it would be harder to miscarry a baby that you can see and even worse if you've felt that baby move or seen a heartbeat on an ultrasound or heard it on a Doppler. But I know it's all just hard. Difficult to see, feel, hear, think about.

I've been kind of numb. But that's familiar. It took me a little while to face all the feelings I had while pregnant with Joseph and with each revelation both before and after his birth and then before and after his death.

This came on suddenly, just as I was coming to terms with another baby in the house and what we might need to do to prepare for him, (most likely him, given our family). The signs were there, and I thought, everything could still be ok, but even as I thought that, a sense that it probably wasn't going to be ok, but that all was as it should be, came over me. This was Thursday. It was Samuel's birthday and I just kept it all inside and didn't let it ruin a fun day.

Friday was worse. I had an impression to call a friend that I resisted, for many reasons, until finally I was overwhelmed by it. Our Heavenly Father looks out for all of us, and answers prayers through our families, our friends, and sometimes even perfect strangers. My prayers were answered. I felt strongly that I should not go to the Emergency Room, but just to wait on nature and let things happen in their own time. I received a Priesthood blessing that both calmed me and confirmed what I already knew. (sometimes we need to hear it again!) Things progressed and Saturday was the worst. Tom took care of everything I couldn't, a household of 10 can't stop because I'm not at my best. Sunday was better. We chose not to go to church between my condition and the conditions of the roads, while better than the past week, still icy.

Tuesday I got into the doctor's office that I had been planning on visiting this week anyway to confirm (at the time) that I was pregnant. Instead it was to confirm that this was no longer the case. I met a great new-to-me doctor in a situation so unfamiliar it was almost funny... usually when I first see an OB I'm expecting and we get to know each other very well and our entire conversation is taken up by my OB history. It was a nice appointment other than the obvious. I also had a detailed ultrasound that showed exactly what was expected, that I no longer was carrying a baby and that while we weren't completely back to normal, things were heading that way.

Probably too much information but I needed to talk about it as my body heals. I know my mind and heart might need a bit longer. This little person will be remembered a lot longer than he was here. While it's a familiar grief, it's not the same. Neither is greater. Neither is harder. Neither is "more" or "less", it's just different than when we had Joseph nearly 10 years ago.

We have not visited Joseph's grave in 9 years, it might be time to go to Ohio. This baby won't have that kind of memorial, but a little part of my heart is buried in spirit.

Pictures of Joseph

We have lots of ultrasound pictures, here you can see his face and upper torso.

You can see him sucking his thumb here.

Here is his first picture...

First time I held him.

I believe I mentioned he always had his arm up by his face... well... he tried to be born that way.
See that bruise?

Michael and Joseph. This was in the family visitors room at the NICU.

Family visiting time at the NICU, our whole family.

All swaddled... maybe my only child to like this.

Gifts from admirers and his pictures of his brothers and sister.

Dad and Joseph

Going home!

Michael and Joseph

Benjamin and Joseph

All the kids

Our family picture, July 2001

Michael and Benjamin with Joseph

Joseph

Emilie and Joseph

Gentle, Emilie! Be soft!

Joseph's red hair

Joseph's last evening with us. I think you can see how tired he is and some of the bruising from the seizures/attacks, around his face.
It was hard to keep his little heart beating with so many different defects!

8 years ago...

We had an angel in our home. He was beautiful, and for most of the time (that I choose to remember lol) we had a peaceful, happy time with him, even with 4 children 4 and under. I have a lot of memories that are NOT on his website, and the pictures on his website were made smaller so people with extremely low speed connections could see all of them. I would like to post some of the originals here, and will soon update his page (ok, someday, you can see how "up to date" our website is... I think Christopher's picture is when he was only 3 months old...).

Joseph was born in July 2001. He was a surprise baby. Emilie was only 7 months old when we found out we were expecting again, and honestly? I was probably less than overjoyed. I had 3 children 3 and under and they wore me out! Tom worked over 50 hours a week and that's probably a conservative estimate. Some days he worked past midnight, sometimes he left early and got home after dark. I liked his days off in the middle of the week, but Sundays without him were rough. My patient visiting teacher gave me rides to church with 3 kids in car seats almost every week. I am not sure what I got out of church juggling those three and pregnant, but the kids knew where we were going to be each and every Sunday. One Sunday comes to mind where someone gave Michael a blue sucker on our way in to the chapel... sigh... you know where that ended up... lol... Tom was great with his work and when he was home he was (and of course is) an awesome dad, hands on, and when he wasn't, he was supporting our family.

So we found out we were expecting a baby. Everything was routine (other than one scary evening where we thought I was miscarrying, early on in the pregnancy) until about 18 weeks or so. The routine ultrasound turned up some abnormalities and they asked if we'd like to do the amniocentisis. We refused, knowing the chances of a miscarriage from this test were far greater than ANY chance we would ever abort this baby and the information gained that might be helpful could be found out in other ways, just not worth that risk. So instead, they just scheduled some ultrasounds to keep an eye on our baby boy.

Blood tests were showing abnormalities, but that is just a marker to suggest further testing, as well as what they were finding in the ultrasound, etc. The worst day came when another ultrasound to check on things suddenly took a turn for the worse and Joseph's amniotic fluid was so low that they wanted to take him that day... along with the tests, they pumped me full of IV fluids and signed me up to see some perinatologists in downtown Cincinnati. It was a bad day for that doctor's office, there was bad news for many patients that day and there were women crying in the hallways. I will always remember thinking that things always could be worse, Joseph still had a chance at life and we had options open to us.

So we started going to a perinatologists office and I had twice weekly ultrasounds and NSTs. We got really good at setting these up ourselves when they were particularly busy. They decided what it looked like Joseph had was problems with his kidneys, possibly Polycystic Kidney Disorder, a highly hereditary disease usually affecting 1 in 4 children if both parents are carriers. Tom and I were at a loss to know what to do other than having faith, praying, and researching for all we were worth. The doctors were at a loss to find a set of parents who did not want to abort their child who had "something wrong" with him. We were talking to our kids about how we might not get to have Joseph with us for very long and if we did, he would need a lot of special care.

Then it was a twice weekly ordeal to find babysitters for our other children, drive to downtown Cincinnati and spend a few hours in a doctor's office. During this time Tom changed stores, we moved, Benjamin got his tonsils and adenoids out (which was a tremendously good thing for him), and I was supposedly on some kind of bedrest. (haha, I tried!). We had wonderful friends from both of our wards (old and new, in Kentucky AND Ohio) who helped, as well as Tom's family who lived 6 hours away and helped with the move and then later with having someone staying with us and the kids to help.

Medically, Joseph was doing great where he was. All his vitals were wonderful. The amniotic fluid got lower and lower and they told me each time there was a possibility of taking him C-Section very soon. There were family fasts and prayers with friends all over the country, from our favorite parenting site to strangers acquainted with our family. So many lives were touched by Joseph's life, and his death. They told me, well, if we aren't going to take him at this level, and everything else is still the same other than his fluid is lower, we'll just keep on with the wait and see.

He kicked, he sucked his thumb. I knew my baby through ultrasound pictures. We couldn't see his face very well because his arm was always in front of his mouth. But we could see those little toes, fingers, eyes, we knew his kidneys very well. We told him he looked as pregnant as I did with his swollen kidneys. We shared these moments with our older children, even as young as they were. Joseph liked M&M's and always did better on his biophysical profiles when I ate some before our dr appts. Tom came to most of these appointments... I can only think of one time I went by myself.

His fluids started to increase again. The doctors started talking about waiting longer and longer instead of having deadlines at 28, 30, 32, and then 35 weeks. His fluid levels even increased until they told me we could even delivery normally. Finally, we even decreased our doctor appointments to the normal once a week end of pregnancy frequency. Then one day, I had been telling our main OB/perinatologist that I had been having contractions more and more frequently but her putting off checking me for dilation, she checked me (the 17th of July that year, I think) and made some shocked noises. And decided baby Joseph needed to be induced that week, on July 19th. I was at a 5 and fully effaced, meaning if I was like most women I was already in labor, but not being like most women, I could deliver any moment... including on the drive to the doctor's which took at least 45 minutes and which could possibly be fatal for Joseph.

We knew he would need special care at birth and we were just praying for him to take that first breath and cry. Babies with some of the problems we had found on ultrasound sometimes didn't make it that far. So, Joseph, who we already felt we knew through ultrasound and normal pregnancy stuff, may already be leaving us without even coming home. We prepared as best we could. Tom gave me a blessing the night before. Tom's sister was staying with the kids. We made the drive and got ready for anything. After nothing happening for a while, they decided to break my water and baby Joseph came shortly thereafter.



Those were the longest seconds/minutes of my life waiting to hear a cry, anything, but it came. They examined him and were getting him to breathe more but he was grunting and having trouble regulating his temperature so they held him up to me for just a second before rushing him off to the NICU. Tom told me he had 6 fingers on each hand and 6 toes on each foot and that his kidneys didn't seem to be as bad as we thought because he just peed on everyone. Go Joseph! He also had a severe cleft lip and palate. The next few hours was a rush of activity as doctors kept coming in and talking to me about their findings. They said they were testing him for different things because this PKD didn't seem to fit. Tom went home to be with our other children but would be back and was able to call while I was still in recovery. Then Joseph was breathing better on his own and one of the doctors was able to get a good look at him and saw in his face a genetic disorder that, like Down's, had its own look and they were able to narrow down testing. They then came and talked to me and told me a bit more and I was able to pass this on to Tom.

Tom was there when they confirmed that Joseph had Trisomy 13, a normally fatal disorder than affects every system of the body and this is what caused a lot of the abnormalities in his heart, kidneys, and other areas. Up until this time they had been planning on moving him to Children's to plan for immediate heart surgery to fix some of the things they were finding wrong. This was when he was less than 24 hours old and we were frantically trying to figure out how to get me discharged so I could be with him. Instead, things calmed down as we discussed, with the doctors, a gentler approach. No, we didn't "let" him die. We let him live. We would have had no time with him and he probably would not have lived through the various surgeries to fix the problems in his heart that made his little body work so hard. What we did decide was that we wanted to bring him home as soon as possible and everyone who had any dealings with Joseph at that hospital did everything they could to make this happen.

Anyway, at 24 hours old I walked to the NICU and held my baby. He calmed down immediately. He was living up to his bright coppery hair and gave the nurses a run for their money. With me holding him or touching him they were able to get wonderful ultrasound images of his major organs and how they were working because he calmed down so well. They taught me to read his oxygen sensors when I held him so we could get him back on his oxygen if needed. Even though he went home without any sensors at all. I learned to feed him though his tube, and then to change his feeding tube. We also learned to feed him with a Haberman feeder, which was harder for him but a good experience to not depend on just his tube. He was so sweet and it was heaven to hold him.

I hate pregnancy hormones and right after having a baby, being in a NICU full of babies that would LIVE made me cry sometimes. And I mean outright bawling. I don't cry easily. I knew Joseph's life expectancy was short. I knew he had many things wrong with him, but Tom and I did want him home so our older children could be with him, so we could take pictures and have those memories of all our family, and so I didn't have to be away from my other children as well. As the full extent of his physical limitations hit us, we were having to prepare for a funeral even as we held him at the hospital and later at home, it was hard not to distance ourselves. However, we knew this baby would be ours for eternity thanks to our Heavenly Father's plan of happiness. It gave us strength even as those around us were questioning. The specialist we came in contact with almost constantly had many questions for us and I think they were having nurses keep an eye on me...

We went home after 4 days at the hospital, only one night I spent at home away from Joseph, and they set us up with hospice care. These hospice nurses helped us with anything we needed even though we had been taught anything we might need to know for Joseph's care.

The first night we were home was awful. Joseph didn't react to the car ride very well, our older children didn't react to changes very well, and the evening was just frantically stressful trying to get everyone together for prayer and just some peace. Joseph had some breathing issues that night and we were afraid we were going to lose him that quickly, with none of our children spending any time with him in any positive way.

After that, things calmed down. Joseph rested and adjusted to life at home. He patiently endured his siblings loving attention. Emilie (15 months) was exuberant about her baby and it was hard to keep her from patting him... Benjamin (2 1/2)was starting to talk better after getting his tonsils and adenoids out and loving "baby Jopef". Michael (4 1/2)was older than his years and trying to adjust his thinking to Joseph being here but being sick... and fitting his heart around missing him already. Tom, thankfully, was still on time off from work and we were able to spend this entire time together with his family there too. I think it was easier for us to BE a family at home rather than having some of us at the hospital and some at home. Those eight days were wonderful.

We settled into a routine of being with Joseph. He was just there with us through normal days and nights. Tom and I slept with the light on and with Joseph between us, because he never cried. Even when he was hungry or needed his diaper changed. He did get a little agitated and we were able to meet his needs and help him be with us. After a few days I noticed he would have a sort of seizure, and that he was in pain. The hospice nurses immediately found out what we could give him and we adjust the dosage so he was still awake but not in pain all the time. He was basically having heart attacks. At the same time he started having apnea episodes, where he would stop breathing for minutes at a time. We would use the stethoscope given to us for placing his feeding tube to make sure his heart was still beating. And it was.

If you look at our pictures it was just normal life with a newborn, but we were making the most of every minute. Not that we were cramming every minute with stuff to "remember", but that we were keeping our lives so simple that we could focus on our family for that week. We took pictures, yes, and on one beautiful day Joseph had NO bad periods but all the kids held him and we took pictures of our whole family together and then the kids just gathered around him and loving him. Friends in our new ward brought meals and offered to take our other children. We did try to keep our family together most of the time because we didn't know how long we had. We were also learning about funeral options and such.

On July 31st, we had a peaceful evening but Joseph was still having breathing issues and seizing up. Close to midnight, I wasn't in the room but Tom called to me and told me Joseph wasn't breathing. I came as soon as I could and we held him together. We knew when his heart stopped beating, though we did check. After a while we called who we needed to call. As an amusing aside, the hospice nurse we called first was worried when she came to our complex, as a police car was there, (not at our apartment) and even though we had a DNR order (do not resuscitate) she thought there might be problems. The funeral home workers came later. I changed Joseph and put him in clean clothes and held him for the last time.

The hearse had a big back, and a box to put smaller bodies in. This was 3 am. I walked out with Tom and the workers looked at little Joseph and decided to hold him on the short drive to the funeral home instead of putting him in the back by himself. I know this was irrational on my part, as his Spirit was no longer in that little body, but what a compassionate act. And what a difficult job.

The next two days were days of cleansing and preparation. Family came. Anton was already here but the rest of Tom's family came and my brother Jason came. The kids played at friends' houses and knew Joseph was gone and were sad, but they were very young. We decided they had not been prepared enough to view Joseph's body in a coffin or to see that coffin buried, and they did not attend the funeral.

It was very strange attending a funeral for my baby. I cried at odd times. The music shared there still touches me in a different way than other hymns/music. I appreciate everyone who attended even though we were fairly new in the area and a great deal of family were not able to make it. Our new bishop was out of town for all of this, and our old bishop came and spoke instead. It was a wonderful thing and I know that hope was felt by all there, as we heard of things that were important to us and to Joseph.

Joseph is still touching lives through his website and our family. I hear at least several times a year of someone who has shared our trials and who was touched by our story and able to make difficult decisions. I just want to update his website and share his story all over again.

After Joseph passed away Tom and I got away by ourselves for a few days, thanks to Anton. (and he still wanted kids after this!!!) We went to Atlanta Georgia to spend time completely alone and to renew spiritually by attending the temple there and just spending time together. It was strange overall because I was still recovering from labor and delivery but had no baby to show for it. My due date came and went (I had been 37 weeks along when Joseph was induced... even though he was my biggest baby til Timothy!)

We were able to have a lot of memories preserved through the website and pictures and scrapbooks (Joseph's scrapbook is DONE, don't ask me about my other kids' books...) and I am still moved to tears thinking of the outpouring of love from friends and family through Joseph's entire pregnancy, life, and in all the 8 years since that time.

Joseph was born on my brother Jeff's birthday, and sometimes I forget Jeff's birthday in remembering Joseph's... but not for long. I remember my friend who had a little boy pass away that same year, Daniel, where Joseph gets his middle name. I know they know each other now. And for another friend who had a baby the day before, who is still here, and the things we experienced together as mothers at the same time but in different ways.

Joseph is part of my testimony of my Heavenly Father's love for me and how He knows what each of us can endure and grow through. I know His plan, and I am prepared to share what I know of Him with anyone and everyone who wants to know more. Joseph is my little missionary, he is my angel, and he is my example.

On a lighter note, Tom says we needed someone to go ahead of us so he can plead our case. "Really, they aren't that bad!".

Someday I'll be able to return to his gravesite. We moved away from Cincinnati less than a year later, as Tom changed jobs and we ended up in eastern Ohio.

This time of year we celebrate Joseph's life as a family, and remember him. Sure, we have had 4 children since but they know who Joseph is, through pictures and memories and maybe something more. I had 5 boys in 7 years and they all are really close to me. Now I am expecting again and as our time gets closer, I remember Joseph all over again and how our family is stronger in so many ways because of his life with us.





I am probably going to do a separate picture post with better images than on his website.
Here is the link...